Any time you have a problem, you have an implied objective. The status quo is a problem because it’s not what you want, it’s not your objective.
If you’re broke, your implied objective is to have money. If your goal is a relationship, the implied problem is that you’re single.
So what is between the problem and the objective?
What’s in between is what I call interferences. They may be beliefs, internal conflicts, fears, doubts etc. I think of these interferences as objections. We have unconscious objections to having what we want.
If we can uncover these internal objections and “overcome” them, we can sell ourselves on the change and achieving what we want becomes natural and automatic.
When we get clear on what the problem is and what the desired outcome is, I love to find out what beliefs about the problem and objective are hiding behind the scenes.
I once asked a client what he believed about his anxiety (problem). His answer was interesting: “Without it, I’d be a vegetable,” he said. Now logically he may very well have known that’s not true, but this what popped into mind when I asked the question. This is what was in the back of his mind, running behind the scenes.
What this revealed was an unconscious objection to being rid of the uncomfortable feelings. For him, “anxiety” was necessary for him to get his butt in gear. It was his way of being motivated and achieving what he wanted.
If we try to change it, what will happen? He’ll fight to the death for it because at this point, change to him means giving up motivation and achievement. That’s one he’ll of a sacrifice. But if we explore these beliefs and find him some new ways of motivating himself and achieving goals, the anxiety will naturally disappear. He won’t need it anymore.
We achieve what we want naturally and automatically when the interferences are cleared out.
I once asked a client what she believed about her objective of earning 6K a month. “I’m not worth it,” she said.
If that is her belief, will she be able to earn what she wants? No way. She’ll stop herself!
Many coaches and therapists will fight with the belief and start a game that I call don’t believe that, believe this. You are worth it! Think positive. But this will never work.
So what do we do? We explore the belief system. So what are you worth? How do you know? What would make you worth 6K a month?
If the belief changes, so will her state of mind and actions and shell naturally do what it takes to achieve her objective. In asking these questions, the information was gold! We uncovered what was really in the way… so we could clear the way.